


Lactose Intolerance

by captchaluff



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Jared is kind of a dick but really he just doesn't know how to emote, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 21:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13466832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captchaluff/pseuds/captchaluff
Summary: On the first day of 6th grade, someone thinks it would be funny to pull a little prank on Evan. It all goes downhill from there.





	Lactose Intolerance

An eighth grader pours milk on Evan’s head on the first day of middle school. Evan doesn’t get a good look at their face, but he sees them high five someone as they walk away. Jared just kind of stares with his mouth hanging open. No one even laughs.

Evan tries to clean it up with water and napkins and his own sweaty palms but apparently that isn’t enough because he stinks the rest of the day. And the next day. And the day after that.

Even after the smell goes away, people hold their noses whenever they see him, people stand up and move their seats when he sits down next to them, people start talking about how Evan Hansen smells like ass, Evan Hansen is dirty, Evan Hansen is gross and nasty and he never showers.

Jared stops sitting with him at lunch. Evan starts showering three times a day, just in case.

Since no one really talks to him anymore, Evan eats lunch in the school library, which he’s technically not allowed to do but the librarian pretends not to notice. He reads the children’s books while he eats. It’s strangely therapeutic.

In English, Evan gives a presentation on symbolism in The Outsiders. He goes way over the two minute time limit, and he’s almost at the end when he hears someone say “Stop talking, no one cares,” under their breath. Evan skips three slides and ends it there.

Evan realizes that no one wants to hear him talk, so he stops talking. Talking makes him nervous anyways. If he keeps his eyes on the ground and focuses on fiddling with his hands, most people stop trying.

Jared and Evan still ride the same bus home, but they don’t sit together. No one sits next to Evan. Jared sits next to someone who doesn’t smell like spoiled milk or stutter or say stupid things. Evan thought he could hear them say his name and laugh, once. The thought made him sob so hard he vomited all over himself.

“So,” Jared says while they wait for the bus, despite months of not even making eye contact, “What’s up?”

Evan flinches at the sudden noise and prepares himself for a conversation he’s mapping in his head and before he can stop himself he says “Fine. I’m- I’m fine.”

Jared looks at him like another eighth grader just poured milk on his head.

“Oh my god I’m sorry, you didn’t- that’s not what you asked, I’m sorry, I don’t know why- sorry. I’ll shut up now-” Because weeks of barely talking at all have suddenly caught up to him and if he doesn’t stop soon he’s going to say something stupid, more stupid than the stupid thing he just said, and he can’t breathe he can’t-

Jared rolls his eyes. “Dude, you’re fine.” Evan still can’t breathe but Jared is talking to him like nothing is wrong and that counts for something, right?

Neither of them says anything again until they’re both on the bus and Jared sits right next to Evan without asking. Not that he’d need to, but it seems a little rude anyways.

Jared still isn’t saying anything, and Evan’s still trying to remember how to breathe but he feels somehow compelled to continue the conversation. “I-“ He starts, realizes he accidentally spit on the seat in front of him, then takes a deep breath because wow he needed that, “I’ve been reading, uh, books? In the li- the library. So that’s, um, cool. I guess. Sorry, nevermind, that’s dumb.”

Jared doesn’t look up from his phone. “Yeah, it kinda is,” he sighs, like he doesn’t want to be here, which Evan can understand because he’s gross and smelly and can’t get a sentence out without pissing himself, but if Jared’s talking to him just to be nice he’s doing an awful job of it.

When Evan looks out the window he can kind of recognize the street they’re on, which means it’s almost his stop, but before that it’ll have to be Jared’s stop, and he can’t wait to finish this train wreck of a conversation.

Evan takes a deep breath and tries one more time. “Why-“ are you avoiding me, “why-“ aren’t we friends anymore, “why- why- why- why-“ can’t I act like a normal person; there are too many questions and they all get jumbled in Evan’s head and all he can do is just repeat the one word over and over again until he can feel himself tearing up. Jared does not look impressed.

And then Evan spits out, “Whyareyoueventalkingtome!”

Jared blinks. “What?”

“I- I mean,” Evan takes another deep breath, “Why are you- are you talking to me ag-agai-again, after-er- after ignoring me for like- two months? I’m sorry.” The apology is tacked on at the end like an afterthought.

The bus stops. Jared stands up and shrugs. “Because my mom said she’d take away my Xbox if I didn’t,” he says, and leaves.

Of course. Of course no one would talk to Evan willingly, he’s sweaty and stupid and- and Evan really can’t breathe now, he has to get his oxygen in tiny gasps because his lungs just decided to stop working, he can’t breathe he can’t move he feels like he’s drowning please someone help please please please-

He wakes up at 8 pm, tucked in bed at home. The panic rises again because what if he’s in a time loop and he has to live this one awful day over and over again until he kills himself out of desperation- but then his mom walks in and explains that he passed out on the bus.

He starts crying again, this time breathing mostly normally, and his mom hugs him and tells him it’ll be alright.

For a moment, he almost believes her.

**Author's Note:**

> in every fandom there's one character i like to bully. spoiler: it's evan  
> middle school evan really doesnt deserve this but he seems like the kind of guy who would have been picked on a little  
> anyways i feel like shit and i love taking it out on fictional characters because that's easier than dealing with my own problems and also the moon landing was faked  
> like comment and sublimation


End file.
